How do we encourage children to behave that we like? Do we do that conveniently or effectively or do we do it in a way that actually encourages completely different behavior?
Not the word
Don’t run, don’t talk so loudly, don’t stomp in the puddles, don’t sit on the couch with your shoes on. Your children hear these sentences all day long. But do they also do what you ask?
The effect of the word is not
If you make a circle with young children and one of the toddlers lies down on the floor, you are tempted to say: ; Don’t lie on the ground’ Presumably they are all lying down. How did that happen? Because you’re giving a child a suggestion! Because the fact is that if we ask not to think about the pink elephant, everyone has a pink elephant on their mind.
What do you want to see in terms of behavior?
Just walk, talk softly, walk around the puddles, take off your shoes if you want to lie on the couch.
Actually very simple: name what you want! In the example of making a circle, it helps to say: ‘Great Joc , you are already standing’ Every child wants a compliment,
every child wants to give the best of themselves.
Think carefully before you say something
What we do want is oh so difficult. We almost automatically focus on what we don’t want. It was also taught to us as children and unfortunately you repeat what you once heard.
It is a matter of training to indicate to children what you want them to do or say or how you want them to behave.
Positive parenting
Stepping out of the circle of negativity, of the staples, is a challenge that yields a lot. But it requires you to think about behavior that you like and that’s the rub. What do I want? Looking ahead in situations and thinking about how you are going to discuss it helps enormously. It also helps with very young children, whose passive vocabulary is already very large.
Examples
If we go to grandpa and grandma’s soon, we will have to sit in the car for a long time. I would like it if you played quietly in the back, so that I can pay close attention to the road. What happens if you don’t do this? There will be an argument, noise, etc. and before you know it you’ve already shouted: ‘Stop that thunder in the back’.
We have to cross a busy road later. I think it is very important that you shake hands and only cross when I say so. Before you know it, half of them are already crossing.
‘There are a lot of toys on the floor. Grandpa is coming soon and he has trouble walking. I would appreciate it if you would clean everything up.’ Instead of: ‘You’re in trouble there, with all your mess. Grandpa almost slipped, he’ll soon break his hip.
To rule is to look into the future
The atmosphere between parents and children depends on your positive attitude. Annoying behavior often arises from ourselves, because we are not aware of what words bring about. It does take practice in seeing what you want to see in behavior.
The same thing happens in the adult world. Adults would also have different contacts with each other if they told each other what they wanted. What would the world be like then?